


Until he does

by MoskaFleur



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, it 2019 - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Gay Character, Dead Eddie Kaspbrak, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I know you dont wanna be sad so u wont read this but trust me, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk, Reddie, Self-Harm, Some Humor, Tragedy/Comedy, an unnerving amount of mirrors, but not really, eddie just wants to slap that chiseled jaw, he's a ghost, i am trash, i have a job interview in 7 hours and here i am, i mean who wouldn't jfc, questionable interior decorating skills, read it, trust me - Freeform, with anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 22:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21327466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoskaFleur/pseuds/MoskaFleur
Summary: Reddie AU in which Eddie died but Richie can't move on.Also, Eddie never left and is forced to follow Richie everywhere as his personal ghost but he can't interact with him.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	Until he does

**Author's Note:**

> Actually... Reddie AU in which Eddie is a ghost that Richie can't hear, see or feel... until he does. And Eddie communicates through slapping Richie's face.
> 
> So this is something I made in a twitter thread. I improvised it as the day went and seeing people's reactions. It was so much fun and I felt very loved. This fandom is really something else. Umm, anyway. I decided to clean it up, check grammar mistakes, add a bit to it, not much, because I think its power resides in how shitty it is. I don't wanna lose that.
> 
> Also, this isn't beta-d so if there are mistakes, sorry. And English isn't my first language either.

Eddie dies.

Richie goes to the kissing bridge and re-carves their initials. He almost jumps from it afterwards. To join Eddie. And Stan.

But mostly Eddie.

Then he thinks they might not end up in the same place because he wasn't as brave as Eddie was in their last moments together. So he leaves to never go back.

* * *

Richie spends the following months trying to live a normal life, go back to his routine and he even decides to go to therapy because that's what he's supposed to do, but nothing works.

He decides to try and hook up with some guy but it only makes him feel worse.

Eddie never leaves his mind. No matter what he does or how. It's a constant. He knows it's to be expected but it's also killing him on the inside.

Eddie has to watch it all happen and he always talks to him all the time, as if Richie could hear him. He teases him, he tries to go back to their usual banter but it's hard when it's a one way channel. He tries to comfort him but to no avail.

Richie starts drinking more and more. He cuts contact with Bev, who (he thinks) can't possibly understand him since she got her happy ending and now is having the time of her life with the man of her dreams.

He feels sick just thinking about it. Why Eddie? Why did this happen to him and not to her? Is it because he's gay? Fuck that. But he doesn't resent Beverly, he loves her. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault but It's. He's just bitter. And dead inside.

Eddie is hurting too but he doesn't even care.

It's not like it matters, being a ghost. There's no going back. He's tried moving stuff. Doesn't work.

However, he's still bound by some kind of physical laws. He can't cross walls or floors. He walks everywhere, only he doesn't get tired. It's like he's still a person but invisible to everyone else. He's never felt this lonely either. 

* * *

It's one of those days, when Richie gets very drunk and the isolation and pain have gotten to a point where he knows what's coming.

He kind of wants to do it but he can't. He feels like a coward for it. Then he thinks about Stan. Out loud. Like he's trying to feel less lonely by monologuing in front of the bathroom mirror. Only this time he isn't trying to be funny.

And Eddie is listening. Eddie's not stupid. He knows what's going on and he can't stop it from happening as much as he desperately wants to. He claws at Richie's back but he can't even feel it. It's pointless and that makes him angry and he tries to throw the toothbrush canister like an angry cat but it doesn't even flinch.

He screams at Richie, who can't hear him and he can feel himself starting to cry but it doesn't matter either.

Is this some kind of punishment? For what, for forgetting the love of his life? For not saying something the moment he saw him? 

Richie takes off his t-shirt and throws it away, a stupid gesture considering what he's about to do. He picks a razor and gets in the bathtub. The water is quite hot but he recons that's better, easier for falling asleep, maybe even less painful.

He doesn't say anything else, he's determined to do it this time.

Eddie climbs in with him right after, fully clothed and scolding him. His mind goes back to the hammock days and he feels sick at the comparison because Richie is big enough that he barely fits in the bathtub so Eddie had to climb on top of him. He's at the verge of tears, asking him to stop. Demanding it.

Eddie's hands find Richie's shoulders and he tries to shake him as he places the razor on his wrist.

Eddie can feel Richie but Richie can't feel Eddie.

Until he does.

A hard slap across Richie's face. Richie stops abruptly and the razor falls from his hands into the water.

They both remain still and Richie thinks it must be the alcohol but Eddie slaps him again, and again it makes actual contact, and Richie's head turns at the hit.

This time Richie freaks out and gets out of the bathtub.

Eddie doesn't even know how it happened or why it worked so he follows him and tries again. Again succeeding. And this time Richie screams.

"FUCKING STOP THAT!"

And Eddie thinks that's the most serious he's ever seen Richie, and the whole situation is so absurd he starts laughing.

Richie can't hear him though. So while Richie stays still, terrified, Eddie waits for his own laughter to die down.

"What the fuck was that? Is... is someone there?" Richie asks around the room. He's watched '13 ghosts' and he doesn't like this one bit.

Eddie tries flipping the light switch because it's the typical thing to do. Classic ghost activity, a bit mainstream if you ask him, but it could work. But nothing comes of it.

So he settles for what he knows, runs up to Richie and slaps him again, this time softer.

Richie gasps at the sharp strange feeling. "Shit... Stan?"

At that, Eddie frowns and he'd later deny it but he feels a pang of jealousy in his stomach.

He slaps him twice and hard, and Richie tries to get away hitting at the air with his bare hands, as if trying to stop it, in a ridiculous dance. "FUCK, SHIT, STOP! OK NOT STAN-" but then it hits him and he can feel his eyes water instantly. "...Eds?"

Eddie walks up to him and is about to slap him softly but decides against it. Instead he tries with a caress. And Richie feels it and curses at the contact but doesn't pull away.

* * *

Richie lays on his bed, unable to sleep and tells Eddie to lay with him, not that he can tell if Eddie does, anyway.

But Eddie does.

He tries again, touching his face, soft, feathery touches and Richie leans into the contact, as weird as it is. He doesn't care.

Eddie never thought he could feel so alive being dead.

For Richie, it's strange. It does not feel like when a real person touches you, because there's no real collision, there is something similar but it's hard to explain. And yet, the alcohol is wearing off and he can tell he's not hallucinating. Whatever is going on, it is real.

Richie cries that night.

Harder than he's cried in months.

The first month was the worst, then that hollow feeling set in and he could barely feel anything. Until tonight.

And Eddie holds him through the night. He talks to him but Richie can't hear him. The thought 'maybe it's better this way' cross his mind at some point, but he knows it's a lie. That's not what he wants. What he wants involves suffering for both of them, because he's stuck here and so is Richie in a way. And he wants his chance, because he was brave. Maybe too much.

So he keeps murmuring sweet nothings into Richie's temple, perhaps _because_ Richie can't hear him.

* * *

Until one day he does.

They had gotten into this strange co-living thing where they Eddie slaps him to say '**no**' and caresses him to say '**yes**' and it's stupid but Richie feels better because Eddie is kind of there and he doesn't feel so alone anymore.

Is that counterproductive for the whole 'mourning, grieving and moving on' thing? Yes. Does Eddie Kaspbrak care? No. Does that make him feel guilty? Yes. Does he care about feeling guilty? Good question. 

Richie is washing the dishes, because now that he knows Eddie is watching him he feels obligued to keep the place clean. For Eddie.

"How long have you even been here, man?" he says shaking his head, pain in his chest.

Eddie is propped against the kitchen countertop, bored expression on his face, looking throw the window. "Since the moment I was turned into a fucking kebab"

And Richie turns around abruptly to the source of the sound startling Eddie. The plate he was cleansing falling into the sink and breaking in half. He doesn't even care, he just stares around the room.

"Say that... Again"

Richie is aware of how crazy he looks right now. He hasn't been taking care of himself. Well, less than usual.

Eddie stays still, his eyes fixated on Richie's even thought he can't see him. "Since the-"

"Oh mY GOD! Eddie, where are you?" Richie keeps moving his hands around as if he could find him by touching.

Eddie closes the distance between them and pokes at his face this time. "Here"

"Holy shit" Richie breathes. He has goosebumps on his arms but he tries to grab at Eddie, uselessly.

Eddie grimaces. "Don't ask how 'cause I have no idea, man"

There's a silence. One of those silences that are theirs, and theirs alone.

"Are you staying with me... like... forever?" Richie asks. He might be blushing.

'_I hope so_' Eddie wants to say. Instead, he mutters "I don't know."

The sudden realization that Eddie must've been watching him this whole time dawns on him. '_He know_s' And Eddie knows. But he doesn't say anything. And neither does Richie.

* * *

Richie gets better. Eddie doesn't need to slap him anymore.

Although, sometimes he does it anyway since he's in a weaker position.

And because it's fun.

* * *

The night he comes out of the closet publicly during one of his stand-up monologues, he sees Eddie for the first time.

Not during the monologue, even though Eddie was right next to him the whole time on stage, but when he gets home.

He just had a shower. He's brushing his teeth as he stares at his reflection, clouded by the steam of the shower. He looks like shit, but better than he used to back when Eddie was out of the picture. Only he wasn't.

He lowers his head to spit the toothpaste and rinse it off, and when he straightens himself, he sees Eddie in the mirror, standing behind him. And he screams like a little girl, which scares Eddie too and suddenly they're both screaming.

Richie turns around but Eddie isn't there. Only he is.

He faces the mirror again and there he is.

"EDS! WHAT THE FUCK!?" he throws the toothbrush against the sink.

Eddie's reflection answers. "Can you see me!? ...And don't call me that!"

"Hummm,_'can I see you?_' Are you trying to kill me?!" Richie breathes in an out like he's having an anxiety attack, grasping at the sink's edge. "Holy shit, I can't feel my left arm, I think I'm having a heart attack" 

Eddie comes even closer to his back so he can have a proper conversation in the mirror. "Can you see me or not, you dumb fuck?!"

"On the mirror, yeah. Not without it, though."

Eddie hums.

* * *

They find out he can see Eddie in mirrors in general. Not just that one.

Like some kind of backwards vampire shit.

But it's good. Because fuck, Richie loves him to his core and he can see him again.

So he does the only logical thing.

He buys 50 mirrors and places them around the flat.

Now he can see Eddie around the house. And that makes him stupidly happy but it rises a question in his mind.

"Are you always here? Like, can you follow other people? Go outside on your own? Can you fly or something like that?"

"'_Can I fly are you_\- are you thirteen? No, I can't fucking fl-" he shakes his head. He missed this. Richie is the kind of guy who —no matter how stupid his questions are— grows on you. '_Yeah, like fungus_' Eddie thinks but fondly. And sad.

He sighs. "I honestly don't know. I- I kind of stuck to you and that was it... The others are too far away, I'd have to walk there."

And that's when it hits them both and they speak in unison. "OH SHIT, THEY DON'T KNOW YET"

* * *

To be honest Richie should've seen this coming. The Losers' reaction that is.

The moment they set foot in his house he can tell they think he's gone mad but they try the supportive approach which is appreciated.

"I'm not entirely sure what you were trying to accomplish here-" Ben starts but Bev nudges him on his side, "-but it's interesting, for indoor lighting."

Ah, yes. The mirrors. Not very discreet. But they'll understand soon.

"Wilma, I'm home!" Richie shouts when they enter the livingroom. Eddie is behind them but Richie says nothing because they're allowed to have some fun considering the circumstances.

Bev almost jumps out her skin when she sees Eddie, reflected in a mirror, behind Bill.

And Ben is kind of speechless, just pointing at him.

There are a few high-pitched screams that afternoon, and maybe a chair is thrown across the room at some point but eventually everyone calms down and they're allowed to have many interesting yet unsuccessful conversations about how this is possible. Mike has a few ideas. Some mention a magic turtle. Richie drinks to that.

Only one mirror was broken that day. Success.

Richie catches Eddie looking at him in the mirror a couple of times.

And viceversa.

At some point during the evening, everyone leaves and Richie goes to bed. He can see Eddie reflected in every mirror in his room, he's standing next to the bed.

"Do you get tired, as in, do you need to sleep?"

"Not really, but I like to"

Richie feels bold then. He'd kick himself later for it. "Come here"

And Eddie does. He lays beside him and it feels stupid because the bed doesn't even move when he does. But he can feel Richie's warmth. And it's intoxicating. He can't hold him though. Not like the first night. This time he could see him in one of the mirrors.

They both lay in silence but their minds are screaming.

Richie gets up for a moment and picks a small mirror from the bedside table's drawer. Then lays again, closer this time, and rises his hand to angle the mirror to Eddie's side of the bed.

"Hey" Richie says, voice low but smiling softly.

"Hey" Eddie replies.

Eddie moves and rests his head closer to Richie's, but looking at him, not at the mirror.

Richie wishes he could do the same, because his stomach is going full Project-x. But he knows he won't find anyone there when he turns so he just brings the mirror closer to them.

"There's so much I wanted to tell you" Richie whispers.

It's late, already dark outside and also inside the room.

"I know" Eddie replies, his eyes never leaving him, but they are wet, tears not falling yet, and it makes Richie want to jump off the window right then and there.

Richie presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, discarding the hand mirror. "No, you know something... but not what matters" Richie's throat hurts and he knows he's gonna cry if he doesn't stop. His hands are already wet.

Mike said he'd look into this. Maybe he could find a way to bring him back. Completely. This was clearly some Derry shit and he was kind of an expert in the supernatural now apparently.

And Eddie was getting better, right? It was just a matter of time before... _Before what. And why._

Richie swallows and closes his eyes.

He can feel Eddie's breath on his cheek, if he concentrates enough he can almost say he feels his weight and warmth beside him, even though he doesn't.

It's just his mind playing tricks on him and he knows it, but he indulges in thefeeling because he can.

"I carved our names in the kissing bridge" he starts. And feels Eddie gasping. "I was- such a fucking idiot, but so scared, and I- then I forgot, and now- now it doesn't even matter but-"

"It matters, I'm still here" Eddie replies fast, like when he was a kid. Loud. A pain in the ass.

"No, you are not." he says with more bite than he intends to. So he rephrases it because he cares. "You are, but not really" And fuck, it hurts.

"Yes, I fucking am and I'll slap you again if I have to!"

Richie almost laughs, eyes closed still. And he does, but it's sad and he knows for a fact that he's gonna cry any second now.

Then he feels Eddie kissing his cheek and exhales so hard he thinks he probably just died.

The feeling is so real it hurts. It's not like the first feathery touches or the sharp slapping.

He can tell this is a kiss and he curses his mind.

And against his better judgement, Richie turns and seeks his mouth. And finds it. And freezes for a second before pulling away and breathing hard, not opening his eyes.

Eddie meets him half-way and kisses him again, and Richie can feel the bed dipping at the movement.

He can also feel his own heart beating so hard it could rip his chest open any second now. He doesn't want to open his eyes. He can't. He knows there's nothing there but as long as they're closed Eddie's there and he feels something for him. And that's all he wants and needs right now.

He feels Eddie shifting even closer and a hand grasps the back of his neck pulling him in so he follows the movement, falling into a warm embrace that feels pretty real considering it isn't and he thinks he could live with it. Like this. Forever.

But he's a curious being, and he can't help it. Eventually, he pulls away opening his eyes and stops breathing.

Eddie's still there. Closer than ever. No mirrors involved. Eyes glassy, face warm, lips bruised, hand on Richie's neck.

Richie blinks, eyes not knowing where to focus.

Eddie blinks too.

The silence is deafening until Eddie frowns and slaps him.

"I'm here, asshole!"

"Yes, you are" Richie breathes.

Eddie realises then, eyes bright. "...I am"

**Author's Note:**

> Told you to trust me, punk
> 
> The link for the original thread: https://twitter.com/MoskaFleur/status/1191678175534817285?s=20  
And a song that reminds me of Reddie: https://youtu.be/ySPAPctrPPI


End file.
